The Miracle of Healing
Back in the year 1999, I underwent a intensive yoga teacher training and subsequently joined the organization's ashram to serve as a full time yoga teacher and unpaid staff member. The yoga training was 4 weeks long, doing about 4 - 5 hours of yoga a day, plus lectures. It was during that time I had a kundalini awakening experience, although I didn't know it at the time.
I was meditating in a meditation room at the ashram where the training was. I was alone. I was practicing my mantra, when suddenly my body was filled with a tremendous golden light from within. I watched this light with fascination and felt as thought I was floating (although I was not). Suddenly in the midst of this experience, I heard a loud and terrifying lion's roar. I immediately snapped out of the meditation and like a jolt I was back in my body - not understanding or knowing what had happened.
Over the next few weeks and months my health began to rapidly decline. My digestion shut down. I was severely chronically constipated. My stools were literally black. I dropped down to 115 pounds (from 135 - already slender for a 5 foot 8 inch woman). My hair began to fall out. My moon cycle disappeared. At night I would experience seizures which felt like I was being electrocuted. A dark brown spot of dry skin - like it was literally burnt - formed on my sacrum. Spontaneously at night I would find myself lost in astral realms, overwhelmed and frightened. I could not gain weight. I experienced panic attacks. I fell into such a severe depression and had daily anxiety on a scale of 100 daily.
Nothing helped. I tried accupuncture, alternative doctors, ayurveda. I even consulted with the Dalai Lama's physician team. I even went to a couple of gurus. I tried to meditate. I continued to try to do yoga. I even went to a psychiatrist that had me on 5 different medications at once. Each day was excruciating and I desperately wanted to end my life. I was terrified that I would have to live like this forever.
I suffered like this for 2 solid years. Until one day, I surrendered.
What does that mean? It means I had a conversation with God, and it went something like this:
"Dear God, I give up. I surrender my life to you, even if that means that I have to be a crazy woman for the rest of my life."
Shortly thereafter, I took a trip to Pagosa Springs to spend time with Peter and Rebekah Laue - devotees of Christ. My aunt and uncle shipped me a sign Peter had made which had sand blasted on it "Love Heals". I'll never forget the drive there. Pain was shooting out of the top of my head and it was difficult to sit straight. I clutched the steering wheel. Once I arrived, they embraced me like a long lost child. It was an embrace I'll never forget - in that moment I realized I hadn't received any real love for over 4 years. They completely embraced me for who I was, even in my "brokenness".
My stay there was only a couple of nights. Before I had taken the trip, I flushed my antidepressants down the toilet (against the recommendation of my doctor - and which now I realize the better place for them was the trash!). The first night, I experienced night sweats and a dream where Peter and Rebekah invited me to drink from the River of Life. The next day I was prayed over, and for the first time in years I began to laugh and smile. I knew something had happened, although I wasn't sure what. I wasn't even sure if I was "healed".
When I returned home, that night I had a powerful "dream". I felt my soul come back into my body and an angelic feminine voice asked me if I was ok. I said I was ok, but just a little beaten up - still alive at least. The next morning, my severe depression and anxiety were completely gone. It was a miracle!
I could feel life again. The joy of being alive was so intoxicating. The joy of not having the excruciating pain of anxiety and depression pressing on me with every breath felt like the most liberating experience of my life. I felt loved. I felt expansive. I was at peace.
I've never felt like that again since the low and the height of it all, but it is a journey that now I do not regret.
My body wasn't completely healed though after that awakening miracle. I worked on my diet, took Reiki training and administered Reiki to myself on a daily basis. I returned to yoga, prayer and meditation but this time I had a connection with Jesus. During that time I discovered I had heavy metal poisoning in my blood along with jawbone cavitation which were also poisoning my blood stream. So little by little, I peeled back the layers and took the necessary steps to healing. It has taken years.
I got back to my Waldorf training teaching. I took my first Crystalline Consciousness Technique course in 2005. I chose to become a Reiki Master and Crystalline Consciousness Technique teacher. I moved to Washington where I married my husband and ran a farm and homestead. I homeschooled my 2 children. I got back into making art and now help my husband run an organic goat dairy, where we make beautiful, delicious cheese. Now I am pursuing my passion for sharing energy healing with others.
I never had another episode of depression and anxiety ever again.
That's not to say life didn't have it's challenges. I still have my moments of sadness and anger just like everyone else. I was a single mom for a few years, I have had to declare bankruptcy, lost loved ones, underwent fire evacuations, etc (it goes on!). You know the list. Everyone has one. And it doesn't end, does it?
So why am I sharing this story with you? For you to know that you are LOVED. This Love that comes from God, the Creator, the Almighty, the Divine - doesn't have to be earned. Even in your darkest and most lost moments, Love is there. Don't ever give up. Everything has it's own timing and reason. Had I never had this experience, I would never have discovered God's all powerful love. I would never have had a personal experience with Christ. I would never have found Reiki or CCT. I would never have experienced what a miracle truly is.
Miracles do happen. The tough part about praying for a miracle, is not being able to know when or where it will come. You have to rest in not knowing. You have to choose to be open. And truly, you have to SURRENDER - let go of knowing the outcome. Because the gift of a true miracle, is that it comes with so much more than just healing. It comes with revelation, wisdom, and growth. It paves a new avenue with a promise of new life. Life can and does renew itself.
I know it sounds corny, but where there's a will, there's a way. Whether it's your way, or God's way. And if I am meant to be a part of your healing journey, I could think of no greater or more sacred honor. I know what it's like to be completely in the dark, and I know that the light at the end of the tunnel is for real. If you'd like to share your story with me, please do! I'd love to hear from you. And if you'd like to learn more about how I can help, shoot me an email.
Here's to miracles!