The Garden Reminded Me

I missed a call with the Evolutionary Collective yesterday, even though I had it on my calendar. (I highly recommend everyone check out what is happening there....it's exquisite, exciting, and beautiful....go to evolutionarycollective.com.)

An interviewee canceled her time with me, and my brain just went blank. It told me I had free time, so I went into the garden and felt happy to do so.

It felt healing to have my hands in the dirt.

My "downloads" came from that time.

I had the thought that it's not normal for healers to perform hours and hours of sessions. We are meant to live in balance, for that is the only way in which we can show up wholly for others.

We are meant to live in balance.

In fact, I believe we're meant to work less, not 40 to 80 hours a week.

Yes, focus on our occupations. Yes, bring our gifts into the world.

But I also believe we are meant to spend equal amounts of time growing food, being with family, cooking, tending to the home, creating, resting, and participating in the communities around us.

The commodification of gifts is what leads to imbalance and burnout.

I watched part of a documentary on Bentinho Massaro, a self-proclaimed guru accused of exploiting women and taking their money in the name of enlightenment.

What struck me wasn't just one man.

I realized that cults are everywhere, to varying degrees.

Even capitalism can feel like a cult.

Our government can feel like a cult.

The medical industry can feel like a cult.

Parts of the coaching industry can feel like a cult.

The list goes on and on.

I have almost zero interest in manifestation culture these days.

At first, many of the teachings seemed amazing. Alluring.

Some were helpful.

Some expanded my perspective.

But now much of it feels off.

I don't think we're supposed to lead lavish lives of luxury. Or have a list of 300 things we want. (Personally I've never been able to reach 300. This just feels like a way to be continually trapped in a dissatisfied life)

The phrase, "The meek shall inherit the earth," has lived inside me for decades.

I keep returning to it.

Simple lives often seem to be the most joyful lives.

People are ridiculed and scorned for "playing small."

I've used that language myself.

Now it feels like ego talk.

Does an apple tree fear playing small?

Does a river worry about its influence?

Does a wildflower compare itself to the rose?

Nature expresses itself fully without needing to become bigger.

Why are we constantly being told to be bigger?

To have more influence?

To reach more people?

To scale faster?

What if beautiful, intimate moments are what God intended?

What if we were simply meant to express from our hearts?

And if that expression influences people, wonderful.

But influence should not be the reason for expression.

Are we really supposed to be striving for the mansion?

The luxury car?

The cleaning lady?

The private chef?

Can we really buy our way into happiness? Protect ourselves from pain?

I haven't gardened in nearly a year because I've been focused on my business.

And if I'm honest, focusing on my business began creating an obsession in my mind.

Too much time on the screen.

Too much thinking.

Too much striving.

Too much sacrificing my eyesight, my peace, and my relationship with life itself.

Yesterday I spent two hours pulling weeds.

And something inside me relaxed.

It nourished my soul.

It connected me literally to the earth.

It brought me insights and healing that I needed.

We all want connection.

Yet many of us experience subtle shunning if we aren't in the right income bracket.

I once traded services with a seven-figure coach.

When I told her the most I'd ever made in my business was $20,000 in a year, she gasped.

She didn't acknowledge that I was also working full-time caring for eleven two-year-olds. (or my 25 years of dedication toward educating children)

She didn't acknowledge that I helped support a living farm.

She didn't acknowledge the countless lives I'd touched through my work.

All she heard was a number.

And she was shocked by how low it was.

What struck me most was that she couldn't be vulnerable with me.

She couldn't reveal the places within herself that still needed healing.

Instead, she positioned herself above me as the expert.

And I still see her online today, painting her life as a sort of Disneyland fairy tale.

Sorry, folks.

To be human is to experience sadness.

Pain.

Frustration.

Disappointment.

Grief.

You cannot buy your way to peace.

Growth happens in the places that hurt.

Growth happens when life breaks our hearts open.

I wish the shaming would stop.

The subtle message from so many coaches and healers that if you're struggling, somehow you're missing the mark.

That if you're experiencing pain, you must be doing something wrong.

I recently watched an Instagram reel from a Native American elder who called this out.

She talked about her dismay towards the idea that we should simply think positive and our reality will change.

She said that sometimes the truth is we're being served a shitty cake.

And everyone keeps insisting we smile while eating it.

That image stayed with me.

Because there is so much shitty cake out there!

The only way to free ourselves from the illusion that we have to eat it and pretend to like it is to get real.

To have real conversations.

To talk honestly about what isn't working.

To speak about what lives in our hearts.

To stop pretending.

If we want to reconnect with the earth, we have to return to relationship.

Grow a plant.

Care for an animal.

Walk in nature.

Learn the names of the birds.

Sit by a river.

Listen.

Pay attention.

Stop performing spirituality.

Stop taking pictures of yourself smearing mud on your body as if that is what a relationship with the earth is.

A relationship is ongoing.

It's a conversation.

With ourselves.

With the land.

With each other.

With the more-than-human world.

Make art.

Make music.

Serve your brother and sister.

Give some of your time away.

Live with less.

Be in your community.

Write.

Pray.

Dance.

Laugh.

Sing.

Cry.

Dream.

Be present.

The garden reminded me of something yesterday.

Life is not something we are meant to monetize every moment of.

Life is something we are meant to live.